Suffering in Body & Mind – Within the Wilderness
Why is the wilderness so hard? Why can’t we just ‘stop it’, ‘choose joy’ or ‘pray harder’ and have the clouds and obstacles clear, the tears dry from our eyes and our symptoms all go away? I tend to be a black-and-white thinker under stress. A+B=C. Do this, then that, and viola, you are healed! But suffering isn’t a math problem and often the path is complicated and unique for each person. But why? Imagine my shock when I entered the mental health field and each person’s challenge that came before me was not mapped out in a textbook and diagnostic manuals did not really help me understand why this was happening. There’s so much more to it and the most overlooked puzzle piece in suffering is this: The body and its relationship with the mind. Our discussion must start here.
So many of the most effective therapies include somatic work, which simply means including the body in the healing process. Why is this? Why would we need to re-learn to regulate our system when it just feels like we need to change our thoughts? So often someone sits down in front of me and feels tremendous frustration as they explain to me that they know what they’re thinking isn’t true or that they recognize they are safe. Yet their symptoms persist. Panic attacks. Feeling numb. Avoiding social situations. Experiencing deep shame. Suicidal thoughts and self-harm. The list goes on. Often this is when my eyes light up in session because I can explain what is happening: “Well of course… You know [pointing to my forehead], but you don’t know [pointing to my heart].
Here’s what I’m getting at: Our mental health is made up of significantly more than our thoughts. Our nervous system is intricate and massive, including more senses than we even realize; all that information is processed, and a narrative is created by it, with little to no thought at all- our emotions are woven through it all. I often start out introducing the triune model of the brain, breaking it into three main areas. At the base is our brainstem, in charge of all critical unconscious processes like heart rate, breathing, blood pressure, sleep, etc. On top of that is our limbic system, also referenced as our emotional brain. This is the fight-or-flight center of our brain that works with an inner filing system to ‘think fast’ and react. It functions not with language or time, but with emotions, sensations, images, and symbols. Finally on the very top is the cortex- the ‘thinking’ brain. This is where our decision making, personality, language, sense of time and so much more reside. In suffering or in incomplete development, these different areas struggle to appropriately communicate and work together in a seamless way. Problems tend to persist when information gets ‘stuck’ within the limbic system.
Connecting this with the research of Dr. Bruce Perry, we’ve learned these structures develop and function from the bottom up, in use-dependent ways. Development tends to snowball on itself from the brainstem up all the way through the cortex. Consider this: It is challenging to have a thoughtful conversation when, thanks to our brainstem, our heart rate is racing. When various systems are sending and receiving mixed messages, we tend to automatically go with the most body-based or threat-related message. We were so intelligently designed by God and there are clear reasons behind so much of what we are coming to understand with scientific language.
Our systems are designed for mobilization to overcome or to shut down to minimize the pain of powerlessness. Our systems also learn from experience- if life taught us danger was always near, our bodies may stay vigilant, ready to move at any moment. If life experiences taught us that no matter what we did, pain was coming, staying disconnected, avoidant and numb makes sense. It also matters if we are experiencing acute stress and trauma and our system is functioning in an early state of unintegrated shock. We may have ongoing levels of toxic stress from various traumas experienced in the past that our systems have created a norm around. We may find all of these are layers in our current struggles. Stress tends to keep things ‘stuck’ in our limbic system, and our body will continue to respond to suffering even once it passes.
Our brain and nervous system are complex and develop in unique ways, affected by our experiences, environments and genetics. Our thoughts often are a later component that simply places meaning on all of this information. Our struggles may not even be noticeable beyond the negative beliefs or lies from where we begin to function: “I’m not enough,” “I’m defective,” I’m not safe,” “I cannot trust,” “I am worthless” and so much more. Often when healing hurts that are layered on histories of trauma, we must go through a process of re-orienting our systems to health, safety, and empowerment. We must learn to cope in ways we have never coped before. We may have to release coping that no longer serves us. We must learn to listen to the body and what it is telling us. We must accept that there are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions. Just simply comfortable or uncomfortable ones.
What might this look like? So many things- unique to each person! It may include learning to breathe differently, orienting, letting the body shake and tremble. It may involve awareness of unexpected things like the impact of nutrition, technology, and our environments. Often, we need to find pleasant and healthy ways to be in our body and regulate such as hiking, yoga, massage, or running. Therapy will include awareness of the body and treatments like EMDR, IFS/ parts work, polyvagal exercises, tapping and physical movement. We have to learn to find ways within our current capacity to move forward, inch by inch.
We cannot truly grasp walking through the wilderness without acknowledging the role of our bodies and finding the unique rhythm in which is wants to move. We will need different tools to trek through the sand, chop through the jungle, and weep at the base of a tree. We will have to tend to hunger and exhaustion and calm fear. We cannot leave our bodies behind, or we will go nowhere.
